I recently did a post on Instagram where I talked about my journey to get where I am right now, physically and mentally. I asked if you would be interested in my journey and you said yes, so here it is, in detail.
Growing up I never had any idea if I was fat, chubby or skinny. I was just me. My parents never made me feel conscious of how I looked, I did know I was super tall because the girls in my class made sure I was aware of that but the boys always made me feel welcomed in their group, so I never really cared. Growing up, pre teen years my gym teacher always pointed out how I was chubby and not as skinny, I remember it affecting me, but nothing major, I just felt not as pretty as the other girls.
In my teenage years I grew even more and became super skinny, I realize now that I see pictures. Started modeling and really enjoyed being able to work after school in things I really loved, plus make my own money. I entered a modeling competition the summer of my senior year and although I was taking care of what I ate I never truly had a concept of what eating super healthy and working out really meant. I did this competition and when I got back to school I’ll never forget my english teacher telling me that I looked like I had Aids, I felt sad at the moment because the weight I had lost was truly, not because of diet and exercise but because I had mono combined with amigdalitis and could only drink juices. I was not able to swallow solid food for a week.
After graduation I went to Italy and college where I gained a good amount of weight. I never paid much attention to it but I met girls along the way that were super body conscious and were always talking about if they gained a pound or two so I started looking at myself differently. A few months into college I entered the Miss Panama pageant and off course I had to lose weight and tone my body. I worked hard at it and lost what I had to lose to look the part.
After Miss Universe and this stage of my life over I noticed that I became super obsessed with how I looked. Instead of just having a balanced diet and working out I would eat and then take laxatives. Not all the time but sometimes and it really made me feel sick afterwards so I stopped. I just felt a huge responsibility, that how was I, a former Miss Panama going to be fat. At this point in time I was so self conscious of how I looked, it was draining.
College was done and I resumed my daily life, working and just living life. I struggled throughout my 20s with what to eat to make me feel and look a certain way. I was even scared to have kids because I didn’t know how my body was going to end up looking, vain I know, but being honest here.
Fast forward to my 30s, married and about to have my first son. I worked with a nutritionist that helped me with my relationship with food. I did it because I was afraid to gain an absurd amount of weight and not being able to lose it afterwards, but what I found was a person that understood me and helped me through these months. I also found a work out I truly enjoyed, TaeBeat, because at the time I was not allowed to run. After my pregnancy I decided to get a health coach certification. My mind was blown! I mainly got it to help guide my followers when they asked health questions on my IG but in the end it helped me so much to understand the purpose of food, what it does to my body, make it stronger.
I began running faster, decided I wanted to improve my time, be better. These minimal changes, changes in mindset, what I ate, made all the difference. Before, when I felt sad I would stuff my face with cookies. Now, I eat the cookies just not the entire pack, I have one or two. I understand that I want to eat healthier because it makes me run better, have more energy and just my body overall feels stronger.
Many years later I don’t follow a diet, I follow a lifestyle that works for me. I don’t follow fads or trends because they don’t apply to my lifestyle, they are not sustainable. I still like my wine. I am fitter, more agile and stronger at almost 38 than I ever was at 20. I even weigh a lot less just because I made adjustments to fuel my body not punish it. I enjoy eating and not feeling guilty, running for pleasure not to burn all the “bad” things I ate.
We all have our process, all bodies are beautiful and above all, real. Skinny, chubby, curvy, we are all beautiful. Respect the process, be patient and don’t judge, don’t compare yourself to anyone but you.
I hope this helps you in your process, we are here to support each other.